Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Friday, April 23, 2010

One Way or Another

Almost everyone who's taken piano lessons in my family plays piano somewhere. For different choirs in different churches, for soloists, for children, and even weddings. But myself, for some reason, have always thought I could get away without playing anywhere. Anytime anyone pushed me at something, I've always said, "It's for myself. I appreciate the years of lessons, I love the piano, but I don't want to play in public." A friend of mine, who's taken piano lessons from the same instructor as I and someone who's played for years for her church choir, would always call and say, "They need a pianist at this church or this Sunday," and I of course would suggest my sisters or my brother. Last year though, she called me again to say they need a pianist for a children's choir at her church. My first reaction was no, but everyone else had their own positions, and I thought about it and gave in. It was a great experience. Challenging. Frightful for me to be out in front of a thousand people, every time the kids would get to sing in church. I stepped out of my comfort zone and learned through it all. But this year the lady didn't call and I felt relief. No more practices, no more stress. She ended calling me half way through the year, but I had a perfect excuse. My Monday nights are taken....In the bible study that I go on Monday nights, they needed a pianist at the beginning of the year. I jumped at the chance to tell my older sister who started going to the lessons. Perfect. They have a pianist and I don't have to feel guilty of not offering to play. Then they make her a children's leader and ask her if I would step in. At the time I was angry at my sister, and I refused. Three times I refused, but everyday I'd walk and have a nagging feeling. How can I say no to such a simple task and out of anger for the person who's just the messenger. How can I just say, "I don't want to" when that's not an excuse. A couple days passed and I told her to tell our leader I would play...My selfish reasons; that it's too stressful to be in front of so many people, to play without messing up, that I'm not as good, it's a responsibility, I just want to come, learn, and leave. But it's not about that and God has a way of getting what needs to be done. He puts me in a position where it's directed right at me with nowhere to go and no reason to say No. And to refuse would just be me being super lazy, stubborn, and disobeying. So I'm at the piano again, which takes discipline, practicing simple hymns to play for about a hundred ladies at a bible study. It's not so bad and I'm actually happy about it...

No comments: