Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

What I Really Wanted To Say

OK. Prepare yourself...
I think back to some of the people I get to meet at work. Most of the time, someone comes in, and the only focus is to get their hair right. Because they'll be leaving with my mark on them. And if asked where and who did they're hair, my name will be given. A lot of times I tell myself, I could have done better. But then, they shouldn't have talked, or moved their head so much, or started on time, or...There's always something. Other times, I look up to the reception desk, and from afar, it actually looks better. And I tell myself, see, why are you killin' yourself about it?! You stare too long at something so close up you start to lose the picture. And plus, nobody other than other hairdressers, (and those people who think they know how to do everything and can point out any little mistake yet don't do it themselves) see what I see. (there are a lot of factors that play in) And how do you know, that that uneven piece of hair is actually a piece of art? Done deliberately. Ha ha.

Anyway, some of my favorite characters are those people that if I heard their title, or maybe saw them from afar, or heard about them, I would think, 'oh I could never talk to that person, or ever be in contact with such a person'...But the reality of it is, no matter who it is, what they do, great or small, they are all human beings. If I ever put anybody on a pedestal and think, now that person is unreachable, then I'm already wrong. If I judge them by a 'label' I might miss completely. I think of all the labels I fall under. The stereotypes and how sometimes people treat me because of them. Female. Hairdresser. My outward appearance or stance. Preacher's/pastor's daughter, (I fear, that one's quite a label) But I am not to be defined by one single label. We all do it. Us girls about guys. Men about woman. Why?
Anyway, I get a CIO of INHS in my chair, and he is the most charming person. And what do we talk about? Borsh his wife likes to make. French movies I should watch. The Mac Netflix player in all his guest rooms. I am also thinking of how to fix the top of his hair to make it even because he doesn't see it because he doesn't look, but everybody else does. And he should after all look the gentleman he is, in whole. And these people, weather the CEO of girl scouts, a naturopath, a boss, etc, are all just as simple. Meaning, they are no greater or smaller than any other human being. Everybody has insecurities, think just like any other person, has feelings, emotions...Maybe they are afraid to come up to you as much as you are afraid to come up to them? I watched Notting Hill for the first time. And in that movie, this 'great' actress meets an ordinary fellow...In the movie she just points out that for all her fame and money, she's just a girl...just a girl! That's how I think of it. So, no need to be intimidated, fear, worry. I think of it as, treat everybody equally. Great or small.
One of the things I love about my job is that I get to talk about any given subject in the world. And the thing is, I am actually sincerely interested in pretty much any subject given and can keep a conversation going about the most obscure, random topic I'd never would have thought to talk about. (Actually, that would be a lie. Politics? Can't say I enjoy. I will leave that to my sister. And philosophical loud debates about religious questions that don't change a thing and don't mean a thing and no one knows a real answer to, don't interest me as much either. And I mean, those questions that have nothing to do with your eternal salvation.) -It's also strange that sometimes certain people get to know things about me that even the closest people around me don't know. Strange how you tell an individual you hardly know those things.- Just a few weeks ago, I had a client talk about tiny little cardiac units used in operations of the heart. He told me he could talk for hours on this subject. I truly believe him! No pausing for anything. Just that alone. Thank goodness I knew a thing or two about this, for my dad works on the cardiac floor of SHMC and once in awhile I read his magazines from that place about robotic surgeries and everything else...
On new year's day, at the youth party I went to, I was supposed to 'volunteer' to tell a favorite memory from my days of youth group, and also a well wishing, something like a 'toast' for the new year.
What I wanted to say was:
We all find people we admire, we look up to, try to imitate. I see it all the time. Sometimes it's like mob mentality. You see it everywhere. Someone does something, and everybody runs right after. Copying each other without even knowing why. I see it in the hair industry, in social circles, even on facebook. Kind of funny, FB, huh? But it is that era...And there is nothing wrong with being inspired by others or having mentors. Do it if you actually want to, if it's something you've wanted, and if is actually 'you'. But who we should try to imitate is not any human being. We should be ourselves, our own individual, but one who is imitating Jesus. When we try to imitate and 'be' like somebody else, we sometimes lose who we are. Our own identity. We'll end up always being behind, always mimicking, but never truly being. Trying to form into something or someone we really aren't. To sound like someone, to look like someone, to act, to do, all how someone else, we think we like and should be like. We also, by looking up to a human being can also be very disappointed when that person who we thought was everything fails, falters, and makes mistakes. If they are human, they will. And then it's lost in the midst of following, that which you actually want to do on your own. What are you really? When all's taken away and it's just you? You can't be yourself if you're trying to be someone else. But Jesus doesn't fail. And to be like Jesus with our own identity intact can never fail.
When we date, or make friendships and let people in our hearts, some of us do it slowly, some much faster, and if you know what it means to open your heart completely, you know what I'm talking about. No secrets. Vulnerable before the other. Open and honest. Imagine opening your heart like that to Jesus. Completely. Imagine how much he can show you, give you, that which you never thought. It's really indescribable. No limits. And then to try to be like him. Why not imitate Him? Who would you be then?! When he's allowed full access and full reign, oh, how much he can do, teach, change...These past few months, I think about this verse a lot: On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it? Romans 9:20 I love that phrase, Who are you, O man?! I tell myself all the time, Who am I?! He knows, because he is the creator, what's best for you, he knows your desires and wishes, and so to be yourself with Jesus in your heart, you can be Amazing! Trusting Him to full fill his promises to you, knowing He created you with those desires. He is the one who is ahead. Don't fight it. And in letting him do what is right, things will always end up for the better!

My speech was certainly not that. I'm not someone who's going to pretend to stand up in front of a bunch of teenagers and think everybody wants to hear my long speech. But I was thinking of public speakers at that moment. Of pastors and preachers. And I have great respect for them. Imagine standing in front of many people and seeing people yawn, giggle, laugh. Talk, lose attention, not be interested. And you search for a face that's listening. Through the midst of all that's happening they have to keep their train of thought, keep it interesting enough, and be able to drive it right to the heart. Of course if it's spiritual, is isn't the person's doing but nevertheless. They're the vessel. I just think how hard that is. And to keep going even if you do catch those people that have no desire to listen to the speaker whatsoever. It's quite the job.
Maybe I'll write something short next time. Or stick in a photo or something...Or else I'll bore myself!
By the way, it's actually 4 Pm when I'm writing this. I opened up the blog...and left 'cause I got distracted...Most of the time, I end up deleting what I start, telling myself, "I'll do it later."