Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Saturday, February 26, 2011


<--So. One of my clients told me to visit this place. I once went with a friend but, the wait was thirty minutes so we went across the street. Well, my client's intention was not for me to try the food. She had something else in mind, which just amuses me. After work, I did just what I said I would. Hehe. I won't elaborate. Anyway, the pizza was delicious!

Today, someone used the word narcissism in a little message. And I thought it was way weird because that is my topic for today!! What a coincidence! (If that person happens to somehow read this, this post has nothing to do with the comment in the message! My disclaimer). It's just that it happens way too many times that someone 'speaks' my thoughts, or connects in a very strange way without knowing it...

On Wednesday 16th, someone read a little intro, and I asked for the little newsletter for myself.
"I've been slowly reading my way through a book, "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement." It's a sobering sociological survey showing how Americans are growing increasingly obsessed with themselves. The authors argue how this mindset can be seen in everything from the more self-centered uses of YouTube and Facebook (our quest to broadcast ourselves) to the real estate boom--and bust (our assumption we all deserve bigger and better--even when we can't afford it) to how we raise kids ("raising royalty," instead of emphasizing hard work and obedience). The authors show the distressing results (present and projected) of this kind of trend. It has been interesting to read this book and consider how much Christianity truly is an antidote to this fixation with self. Isn't a key component of the gospel message our deliverance from an addiction to ourselves? The Christ-follower is called to place the love God and the love of neighbor above self. Rather than obsessing about ourselves we are invited to lose ourselves in the self-emptying love of God. And contrary to the thinking of today, Jesus says when we lose our lives (our drive to inflate and promote ourselves) we actually find our lives as those loved and as those able to freely love and serve God and others. How counter cultural, how life-giving (and how relevant) these words are to our generation!..."
-Knebel David and Shelley
You might ask me, "Irina, then aren't you the biggest narcissist ever?!" Well. I guess yes. I mean, I post a picture of myself and a blog everyday! How self absorbed. I post a bunch of pictures of where I go, what I eat, what I get, on Photobucket. I post on Facebook. Do I post everything? Or even anything that really matters? Someone could look through those things and think, 'oh, I know what she's doing. I know what she's up to these days, I know Irina.' Maybe a little. But how wrong. I mean, do I ever post a picture of myself when I've cried? Or when somethings wrong and I'm hurt? Or when I'm sad?
But then my reasoning for doing such are a lot more different. And I think, I really don't have to defend myself. People will perceive things as they please, so my explanations are of no need. Two more days of this 'narcissistic behavior', and then it's back to, 'when I feel like it.' And the truth is, I've been hearing that word a lot. And I agree. A lot of times I see, we want to show how great things are. Where we've been. What cool things we've done. What cool people we are. I can't pretend I don't fall under that category at one time or another.
But the truth is, you don't have to post a billion pictures, and blog, and facebook to be a narcissist. You can do none of that and be the biggest selfish, self absorbed human being ever. When anything that happens or you do is for your own selfish reasons and to please yourself. To benefit only you. Isn't that true? I think it is. Our age with technology just excels that, multiplies and exaggerates.

And over this past month, what have I been thinking?
That if someone wants to know about my life, it has to be a face to face conversation. That if I want to really share something exciting or good or heartbreaking, I can share with someone who has time and actually cares. A real human being friend. Someone who wants to listen and also share their life. And that it doesn't have to be a one way announcement of my daily little doings, a public declaration of 'who I am'. Doesn't mean I'll stop taking a billion photos of everything around me (and myself). Doesn't mean I'll delete facebook or I won't blog once in awhile. In fact, I'm not even near close to that!
So today, I'm saddened. I have quite the reasons. Some are out of my hands. Just realizations that I can't do anything about.
My photos might consist of goofy smiles or plastered laughs and most of them are sincere. I bounce back to the more positive, happier outlook I have, very fast. It just doesn't mean I'm never sad.
"You are so nice..."
I might be. At least I work hard on it. But it doesn't mean, things don't anger me. I do have that emotion. It doesn't mean I'm gonna be a doormat or be used. Because in real life, I do get upset. I'm just very careful about how I let it settle in my heart or my mind.
Once too many times, you'd be upset too...
"You are (I am) not superwoman."
I like that.
Good work day. Good pizza from The Flying Goat.
And now for some good dessert and some good piano practice...And a good movie
Great Psalm
-Psalm 15