Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

A Little Bit Of, Let's Say, Everything (Unfinished and Unedited)

Have you ever wondered how a post looks like before it's edited? Well, I decided to humor you (or more like confuse you) and let you read the post before I even write it out...might as well, because most likely it will take me awhile to get back to...

{i'm in danger of saying too much. i started this late at night on the 7th... i'm telling you, if you don't want to read a 'chapter' then don't read this post...
Sometimes we invest our hearts so much, only to realize we will never receive anything in return. But that doesn't mean we stop investing. It doesn't mean we give up. We give a smile without one in return. Doesn't mean we stop smiling. If we are treated poorly does that mean we start treating others poorly? If we are lied to does it mean we start lying to everyone? if we speak and no one listens, do we stop speaking? I hope not.
teaching>pastors teachers, salon...
i've been a 'late bloomer' in many aspects of life, but oh, when i bloom. that is something. Sometimes, the things that take more time, turn out much better, for that.

phenomenon in life, gods kind gift to me. why? do i deserve it. just his grace poured out to me to show me to give me a chance to be so close to him.

one day we will all see in good time, when every thing will be brought to light. how our words or actions destroyed. that our sometimes good intentions made things worse. that when we were to build up, we broke it down. when we were to love we hated. but no matter what, god get s us through, and even though the results aren't what we want or know should be, it's not in our hands. in that time we will see how wrong we were perhaps.  and maybe after a lifetime, only to realize then when it's too far too late, will we see what could have been. i will always always think of the story of Job.

jelousy destroys, deceit destroys

these last few years, i've learned more about words and metality than i ever have in my 26 years. how a small negative seed can be planted and make you believe that which is not. how somehow influence can be so powerful. bad way, and good way. and how much we don't know that we can be influencing for the worst! how strength is so powerful. not physical. but mental. to be able to be cleared minded. to keep your ground. to stand up when all you want to do is crumble. where does that power come from. Only from God. And although the results may still not be positive or the desired, coming out knowing you stood up for what is right, means so much more than even getting the results you want.
how long can we go, how much can we take, how much can we hold on...

there are things that sometimes need to be said. and who will say them? who will speak up?

what facinates me? friendships and how they work. loyalty.

freedom. do you even know what that means. what it feels like? we are all technically free. but how many are bondaged by something. physical, emotional, spiritual. Freedom in christ. so freeing. so powerful. weightless!

try by natasha bedingfield.

when you want to speak to someone who comes to your mind. who do you want to share with?

some people will never know how much of an impact they have made. and sometimes, i don't have enough thank you's to express it. and how much is too much. isn't one thank you enough? i just am so thankful for everyone sent my way. somehow everybody is exactly what i need. one way or another.
i know what it means when you feel that peace. unexplainable...
i know what if feels to feel joy...even in...
i am so blessed and eternily thankful. in fact, no matter what, i am probably in the best place of my life, only because what is most important to me is where it should be!

brothery interaction, dynamics...can't compare with a boy. they jus play different. 
they just want love and   attnetion.and i want to give that as much as possible.
car broken in. thankyou..strangly

to those people that worry about my relationship status. let me tell you, if a guy can't get the courage to come up to me, he shouldn't even be with me. right? well, just a thought...they can't start thinking girls will do all the work can they? i'm just saying this because people are starting to tell me not to wait to long and i want to reply: i don't need to date ten, twenty, a hundred guys to find the perfect one.  i'm also not asking men out. i'm not asking men to marry me, and i also like life as it comes. i'm not trying to jump ten years ahead. obviously, there is a reason for my 'single' season, and at this time in my life, it is perfect. my life has it's own timeline, not like anyone else's i certainly don't want it to be like anyone else's. Mine is good. (i have a lot of good things to say on this topic but i have to contain myself!)}

...the dot dot dot means this is certainly not finished! Just the ideas, the thoughts, stringed out...