Laundry's in the washer, dishes in the washer. Cleaning, thinking, listening to music.
This pianist is great. I haven't listened to him in awhile until someone mentioned his name just recently...One of his videos called 'Sad Angel' reminds me of myself. The way he 'plays' piano keys as he sits at the table, being inspired by the things he sees...Sometimes I imagine playing, or I see someone play, like the Spokane Symphony's conductor lightly touch the keys, another pianist maybe playing somewhere, a music video of a musician I love, and I can feel my fingers melt into the keys. It's just like watching amazing hairdressers cut hair. Makes me want to cut hair! I can feel the movements, the feeling of it. It's almost just a natural reflex now. Well, this pianist also creates music with one of the greatest voices ever, Lara Fabian. I love her voice. What a combination.
Cunning and clever. I believe these to be great characteristics, yet somehow, at the same time, very scary. Because what's behind that cunning, clever face? You never know.
I know I'm drawn to challenge. When I'm presented with a challenge, I welcome it. (Actually, I'm speaking of a certain type of challenge. Not just any challenge) When it's too easy, it's just that. Easy. And taken for granted. But when it's something that picks at my brain, something new, fresh, unexpected, for some reason, I get drawn in. As if I have to overcome it, figure it out, like a puzzle.
Despicable Me. That's the movie of the month. "Oh, poop."
And that song. "I'm havin' a bad, bad day..." So funny. Well, I think I've felt that way before...But as strange as those yellow thingy's were, I really liked the story line. And his accent. And his grouchiness. And his change of heart...
Before I left for Germany, I had told someone, life will be different when I return. I was thinking of one thing. And truthfully, life has been completely different, but because of completely other things. Different, but not the way I thought. Not in a bad way. (Even the fact that I came back six pounds lighter. Nice start for summer.) It's just God's way of directing me...
Speaking of how God directs. My life verse I go by, once again, is
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9.
If you don't believe it, maybe one day you will. I believed it before, I've lived it, I see it happening in front of my eyes now, and know it will always be true!
As well as,
Psalm 37:5
Only I like how it sounds in Russian.
Предай Господу путь твой и уповай на Него, и Он совершит.
Псалом 36:5
About a year ago, I thought I could work more, make more money since I had nothing better to do. Pick up some hours. Since I love my job, had no serious obligations, no kids or husband to 'think' about...What a great idea.
My tendon inflamed. I freaked out at my hand hurting so bad. The coldness, the pain. And what are the first thoughts? I chose the wrong profession! What am I going to do? Well, that's the doubts and worry only darkness sends. The pointing fingers. The pointing fingers aren't always right.
But God says, this is the perfect profession for you. It was from the beginning. And it is now! It's everything you need. It's everything you love, and watch where it will take you.
That because an ailment comes, and obstacle occurs, a problem happens, doesn't mean the choice was wrong.
In fact, if something happens to a child, doesn't mean you shouldn't have had kids, if you have marital problems, doesn't mean you chose the wrong husband/wife. That just because something bad happened, you made a mistake. Making the right choice doesn't mean a perfect life without problems, arguments, sadness. And it doesn't mean you run away. That you panic and jump into all directions searching for a way out.
So I told my management that I would like to keep working longer but not as much. I would rather work less, but for a longer time span...
So now I work only three days a week.
Because God knew. He knew that my desires weren't to be a 'career' woman at this time. That my desires weren't to create a name for myself, to be famous, to be known, and to be rich. (Although, I believe it's not me who creates a name for myself, but people.) And all the things I once thought I could do and wished to do at some point in my life, but didn't know when and how they would happen, they were laid out in front of me, to say 'yes' to. God given desires, instilled in me. The things that truly were important and matter to me. I didn't have to push my way in, pursue, beg, ask. It wasn't me trying to do something that maybe wasn't for me or my time. It was given to me. In and unexpected way. It's always like that. Unexpected. And God's way.
So now I am doing all sorts of things in all aspects of life and variety! Busy, challenged, happy as ever, but still free. Nothing is too overwhelming or smothering. Now I have time, I have ability, desire, and I'm not spreading myself too thin. Because I believe if you are to do something you do it will all your heart. And if you're just putting in a little here, a little there, halfhearted, then you might as well do less but fully. I have time for God, for people, for work. And for myself! That one is important!
Because God knew. He knew that my desires weren't to be a 'career' woman at this time. That my desires weren't to create a name for myself, to be famous, to be known, and to be rich. (Although, I believe it's not me who creates a name for myself, but people.) And all the things I once thought I could do and wished to do at some point in my life, but didn't know when and how they would happen, they were laid out in front of me, to say 'yes' to. God given desires, instilled in me. The things that truly were important and matter to me. I didn't have to push my way in, pursue, beg, ask. It wasn't me trying to do something that maybe wasn't for me or my time. It was given to me. In and unexpected way. It's always like that. Unexpected. And God's way.
So now I am doing all sorts of things in all aspects of life and variety! Busy, challenged, happy as ever, but still free. Nothing is too overwhelming or smothering. Now I have time, I have ability, desire, and I'm not spreading myself too thin. Because I believe if you are to do something you do it will all your heart. And if you're just putting in a little here, a little there, halfhearted, then you might as well do less but fully. I have time for God, for people, for work. And for myself! That one is important!
There are so many opportunities. So many options and choices. People say, "Why don't you open up your own salon?" "Come here, go there." "Check this out, do this, do that..."
What kind of person would I be if I just jumped at everything anybody just told me?
I know I have ability, will, drive, opportunity. In fact God has blessed me abundantly. He will also ask more, because of that. But the choices made aren't just because I can or I want to. Yes, to have the desire is important, but also know where you want your life to head? Where does God want me to go? At what time, and where? What is more important? And to weigh it all before I make a choice...
My work is very gratifying. There are so many outlets and so many directions I can go, in just my profession and work place. (Not to mention the abundance in other spheres of life!)
And because the payment ways have changed, my salary hasn't changed. In fact it's better. And I just got a raise. And in the fall, I might be going to New York for an academy, all expenses paid! Now that is going to be awesome, if it happens!!
And who knows, maybe one day I will have to drop everything and give it all up. You never know.
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About five years ago, we were told, "Work smarter, not harder."
What a great statement. It actually works for many things in life, apart from business aspects.
And I understand it now.
I had to be able to say no. To learn to say no. If it's not something I want to do, or need to do, I can say no and not feel guilty. I stick to my own rule, that I don't do hair at home. And I no longer do wedding hair at four am. I can easily refer people to other hairdressers. I have no problem with that. I'm not a better hairdresser if I do 'all' the brides. It doesn't make me a better person. I don't need that money or the 'fame'. I am content.
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I have peace, because there was a promise!
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Spineless. Ugh.
Learn to form your own opinion and stand behind it.
Do you laugh because everyone laughs or do you actually think it's funny?
Do you believe because you are told to believe or truly do in your heart?
Do you like it only because others like it?
Can you disagree and not feel like you are wrong or stand out?
It doesn't make you wrong or the other side wrong. It just means you have your own opinion. Your own likes and dislikes. Your own mind.
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I wouldn't change a thing. Thanks to God.
*
So I've thought about this so many times in my life. Why have I felt too many times, that if I don't say 'hi', smile, start talking, call, text, come up to talk, first, then the other person might never do so themselves? I know many people have told me I'm intimidating. Scary. Why? Is it because of how I look? My facial expression? The way I stand? Who I am or my presence in general? Is my 'thinking' face too serious? (hehe)
Why is it that I have to work extra hard to show, I'm really just a silly girl. Someone who really loves to laugh and have a good time. ( And, have very intense conversations too. And yes, I am complicated. I've heard that too, but it's really not that complicated. I just happen to see and think in a very broad spectrum. I just happen to notice everything and think in all aspects all at once.) I have to show that I am open and inviting to make them comfortable weather I am actually comfortable or not! But, knowing and seeing that, it makes it so much harder for me. That no matter what I feel inside, I have to portray myself as confident, free, secure, and bold. To come up to people on my own. Weather I'm feeling shy, or scared, or insecure at that moment. To start talking to them first. To overcome my fears or rejection, and no's, and just go for it. Because we only live once, so I might as well, even if I make a fool of myself more often. At least I try and make an effort! And there's only one way to find out. By asking, by coming up, by calling, or being the first to initiate!
But I guess people can't see into me. They can't read my mind. And what they see on me, doesn't always reflect what's inside. I look one way when I'm really just quiet and shy at that moment. (I am not shy.) It might look like I'm just stuck up because it doesn't 'fit' me. That it doesn't matter what's inside, it's the outside that is taken into account. And too many times, as soon as I make that move, the person opens up. It's as if they need reassurance that I want to talk.
But what if it's me who needs that reassurance? What if it's me who doesn't want to always be the first to make the moves? In fact, before, I've always been on the side where I always made excuses of why someone might not want to talk to me. Or if they actually did, they wanted something from me. I had to learn, that really, sometimes all that people want to do is be your friend and just talk.
So I ask myself, if I hadn't started, would they have? If I hadn't called, would they? If I hadn't written, come up, invited, would they? Am I always going to be the initiator, the pursuer?
It doesn't matter now. I already know I should smile more, look people in their eyes, say their names, invite, love, be friendly, and say hi, no matter if they do or not!! Weather they accept or not. Rejected? Oh well. Someone else may say yes.
The person who pursues wins.
(This is about all people, men and women. There's the other kind of pursue. When a guy pursues a girl. Then I think it should be his job to really pursue. Not the other way around. I believe I could easily take that role, which is dangerous, and I don't like it.)
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