Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

The Heart

I know I could have a lot of fun writing about places we've went, things we've done, what we've bought, what we wore, what we ate, and what we've made. But as I told a friend, I don't ever actually write what I truly wish to write. The things that might upset people, or perhaps because people assume, would take it the wrong way. Honestly, it's not by business to worry what anyone might think, I know... But...
I end up sharing with my husband. He's my audience most of the time for all my thoughts. For the things that infuriate me sometimes, for the things that break my heart...

Sometimes we say the wrong things.
Sometimes the things said, are taken the wrong way. 

How is it we have so many relations without having any relationships at all? A relationship status: member of a church to another member of the same church. Coworker to coworker. In-laws. Family members. Group members. 
We don't actually have that 'relationship' because it never gets past the small talk. (Personally, I don't like small talk. I would rather have a real conversation or silence. I'm okay with silence. One to one conversation, or even in a group setting, than have the same small talk over and over again. ) But really, that would mean you have to open up, to be more vulnerable, to show your true self more often. Maybe it would mean to ask questions about someone than talking about ourselves. Perhaps, to listen. And we try to put our best self forward...
How is it we see 'strangers' each week much more than any one family member? And sometimes, we like 'strangers' much more than anyone who is close because, of course, we don't actually know them! Why is it that we have tendencies to like those people we just met, or perhaps have a little chit chat once, and think how great that person is! But oh, spend some time with them and all of a sudden we think, never mind, I don't like their ideas, or their opinions... That means disagreements sometimes. Oh, and perhaps it means we're not always right!  We start to see the real, the human, those things we didn't see from a single 'put on conversation' and decide, we don't actually want to build anything more there. Because that would mean putting aside yourself sometimes, or giving way to other things, or actually working at that new relationship. Oh, but who wants to work?! So we keep people away, by keeping them at a distance, by keeping them a mere Facebook friend or Instagram follower. We like that one timer 'friends'. We don't actually want to see any of the dirt or real life... We want to like them, from a distance. We just want to like the strangers and those that are close are "always worse" than that person from a distance...who's fantastic. 
And so it is with the church that is not our own, and the family members in another family, and that other job... It must be much better. It probably doesn't have any problems. 

Why is it that we tend to put our own personal experiences, our views, our opinions and our way of seeing it onto others. We tend to assume. We get told, " I am doing this and made this choice..." And we instantly think, they are doing it because of... 
Why is it that we don't just ask. We don't let people finish speaking and clarifying. 

Let me tell you, to this day, I am working on not interrupting people. So I'm there too. 
But so many times, the things I say never get past the first statement without going a totally different direction because someone has already decided the reason for what I've said. 

Perhaps because we are selfish creatures. And it's always about us. And we're the only ones who are right. And our feelings are more important. 

I've been thinking. That whatever an issue, whatever the situation, a lot of times (that means, not always,) the issue is with our heart. We see what others do wrong but don't see our part in it. Everything is a two way...

But to admit that? That's too hard. 

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