Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sweet Things

My fifteen year old brother, who's had to deal with a broken leg for the last few months, declared he wants, "Not chocolate chip, but white chocolate chip orange flavored cookies." I told him I'd make some and he could help.I grated the orange peel to get that fresh orange taste he wanted.The combination of the oils from the orange peel zest, white chocolate chips, and rich macadamia nuts created a scrumptious cookie. Like candy as my other brother put it.He was stoked to help, as he said he would. He mixed a bit, broke an egg, licked the utensils, and placed a dough ball on a cookie sheet. Such a Sweet boy. Perfect with a glass of chilled milk!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Endless Search

Not for Mr. Right. For a pair of good working shoes...
In my workplace, or pretty much any workplace, it's not unusual for anyone to look you up and down and assess what you are wearing. I could care less. Lately though, I've noticed glances down at my shoes. Glances that people hide and pretend they didn't really look. And I am totally aware why. I even chuckle to myself. The fact is my shoes, I've been wearing a lot, are really comfortable. They are soft. They actually bend. They don't pinch my pinkie or my toe. They don't rub my heel. I don't get blisters. And I can wear them all day through. So even though I personally don't care that my clients might feel sorry for me, or maybe think I'm a scrub, or think I am so poor because of my job that I can't afford to buy a new pair of shoes, I will spare my salon the embarrassment that their employee is a bit ragged and try not to wear these again. It looks like rats might have chewed a bit at my shoe.
And although I have plenty of shoes, I just can't wear my 2 inch heels or narrow cute ones that make my feet look puffy or white tennis shoes or any other pair that hasn't worked and is sitting on a shelf. So tomorrow I will pick up my new shoes that I will probably wear out if they are as comfy as the pair I've had for so long -my default shoe.

Friday, April 23, 2010

One Way or Another

Almost everyone who's taken piano lessons in my family plays piano somewhere. For different choirs in different churches, for soloists, for children, and even weddings. But myself, for some reason, have always thought I could get away without playing anywhere. Anytime anyone pushed me at something, I've always said, "It's for myself. I appreciate the years of lessons, I love the piano, but I don't want to play in public." A friend of mine, who's taken piano lessons from the same instructor as I and someone who's played for years for her church choir, would always call and say, "They need a pianist at this church or this Sunday," and I of course would suggest my sisters or my brother. Last year though, she called me again to say they need a pianist for a children's choir at her church. My first reaction was no, but everyone else had their own positions, and I thought about it and gave in. It was a great experience. Challenging. Frightful for me to be out in front of a thousand people, every time the kids would get to sing in church. I stepped out of my comfort zone and learned through it all. But this year the lady didn't call and I felt relief. No more practices, no more stress. She ended calling me half way through the year, but I had a perfect excuse. My Monday nights are taken....In the bible study that I go on Monday nights, they needed a pianist at the beginning of the year. I jumped at the chance to tell my older sister who started going to the lessons. Perfect. They have a pianist and I don't have to feel guilty of not offering to play. Then they make her a children's leader and ask her if I would step in. At the time I was angry at my sister, and I refused. Three times I refused, but everyday I'd walk and have a nagging feeling. How can I say no to such a simple task and out of anger for the person who's just the messenger. How can I just say, "I don't want to" when that's not an excuse. A couple days passed and I told her to tell our leader I would play...My selfish reasons; that it's too stressful to be in front of so many people, to play without messing up, that I'm not as good, it's a responsibility, I just want to come, learn, and leave. But it's not about that and God has a way of getting what needs to be done. He puts me in a position where it's directed right at me with nowhere to go and no reason to say No. And to refuse would just be me being super lazy, stubborn, and disobeying. So I'm at the piano again, which takes discipline, practicing simple hymns to play for about a hundred ladies at a bible study. It's not so bad and I'm actually happy about it...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Courage to Speak

I walk around downtown on my breaks to the coffee shop, to the bank, to a new place to eat, and always wonder at my own lack of courage to speak. One day I can smile, say a few words, and the next, I'm like a wall. Silent and afraid. Why is it that when I see the person I see everyday as I pass, do I not say hello? Why can't I ask the question I want to ask? I want to, I have the opportunity, and really I don't even feel shy. Yet there is that something that stops me. What a difference it would be if Everyday I could do the same. Smile, encourage, give a sincere compliment, ask a friendly question and see where that would lead...It's like a little battle and too many times I give in to what is easy. Come in, get what I need, and leave. Silent. And then I regret and think of what I could have said...I pray that I can have more courage and muster up those words. Because if my words don't make someone else's day better, just speaking up sure would better my day knowing I did something that might affect a life in some way...