Our little downtown can have quite the excitement! In the years I've worked at this location, on the corner of Washington and Riverside, we've witnessed a car flip and skid on it's top down the road, film crews and star sightings,
(it was quite the thing when Snoop Dogg was across the street for a couple days) and big guns being fired for some other production. Our salon's name is seen in a movie with
Demi Moore in it, and the fourth floor of our building was used to film a scene for an Antonio
Banderas movie. Guy
Fieri and his cooking show right in front of Hills restaurant...I'm pretty sure
there'll be more. See how I put all those cool stars in. Makes it so exciting. But the fact is I really don't even care.
(Truly, I don't. Everybody ran to shake Snoop Dogg's hand. I stayed at the salon. What's the point to introduce myself and shake his hand, when I didn't even know what he looked like before that!? So I didn't.) It does make Spokane kind of cool though, I have to say. But mostly it's just fuss and commotion, and people stopping to find out what's happening, and giddy chit chat about it all. Then there's the constant drivers who exit the parking lots going on to oncoming traffic, going the opposite of the one way street. I am waiting for the day an actual accident is going to happen because of that. Waiting as in, it's gonna happen one day for sure. You can get almost run over by the drivers of the downtown streets, witness cars drive into buildings, or hear people shooting other people once in a while. Anyway, yesterday at work, we started our meeting and a police officer came in to report there is an unidentified package that could possibly be a bomb on the corner just a block away. She told us that if we need to leave, to exit from the front entry. We watched them block off the street with a police car and yellow tape. After our meeting and education, I just wanted to get my car and leave. I had parked my car on the street right off that corner. And I had asked the cop about that. She said we could get our cars and turn them around and go the other way. So I left and started walking to my car. The cop stopped me asking, "Ma'am, where are you headed?" I told him I just want to get my car. Well, to me it was amusing
(maybe I wasn't taking it seriously and if anything blows up, he's just as close!), as he asked me to come over to him saying, "Let me explain everything to you. Come over
here between the buildings." He preceded in telling me about the seriousness of the bag and how close it was to my car and that the best way would be to stay. He also told me it's been three hours since and he was cold.
(poor officer). I couldn't help but be smiling as he was talking. I wasn't trying to mock him or anything but really? I just asked if I could get my car and back up so I could leave. "OK. That is what you are choosing, it's your choice." as if, I'm responsible for my action. So I backed my car up, and he let me pass through, under the yellow tape through the parking lot to get out of the blocked street. Nothing blew up. Today I read that
it was a bomb! Just something else to add to the list of all the excitements of working downtown!
***
It's amazing how fast the body can 'go down'. One day I'm fine thinking I'm just tired 'cause I haven't gotten back into the work mode yet, telling my friend we should sing on Sunday, and planning what I'll be doing on my days off. The next day water pours out my nose (and left eye) non stop! Where does it come from?! I would think my body would run outta water after running for two days straight! A headache that feels like somebody wants to crack my skull open, and a freezing chill right below the skin that nothing can warm up! And those sneezes. Those spells of sneezes. Unrealistic. You would think they sound like explosions, not sneezes. No strength to move. I have a toilet paper roll permanently attached to me. So, as I sounded like a man, singing was out of the question. And I didn't go renew my license, (which has been expired for about six months. I'm starting to get that feeling that I'm gonna get stopped. eh!) or make copies of the keys I've lost, and I didn't answer any of the questions for my bible study, and I haven't really practiced the songs that I will be playing tomorrow night when I start my job. And yesterday, I tried 'going' and doing normal daily activity. Well, that doesn't work. I ended up going to my Monday night study for the first part of it just because I had to play. I couldn't even hear them singing! And resting doesn't work because the body won't allow it either. How can you sleep when you have to blow your nose every other minute?! Yep.
***
Watching my brother at the hospital this last week, as he slept, as the nurse come in and out doing their job, I just think, my 'little' sick days are nothing compared to that! I don't have a leg bandaged up and an IV going up to my heart. I can walk around and do anything I please without assistance. To think two years in a row having surgery on his leg. He got to keep the hardware they ended up taking out. I look at that rod and I can't get it into my head that a surgeon stands there for hours, just putting in rods and screws, or taking them out after they've grown in. How does one choose to be a surgeon? Ugh. But we need them and we put our trust in them, that they will do their best and make the right decisions for the task at hand. Hopefully, this time there will be no infection, things will close up and heal, and in the long run, having all that taken out, be a positive thing for a him. Before his surgery, I would get those awful thoughts. What if something happens and they have to amputate. What if something happens and he passes away. Those dreadful thoughts. And I tell myself not to think of the worst. That it's not in my hands and I couldn't possibly alter anything anyway. And after, when all's done and OK, it doesn't even make sense that I would have even thought those things. It's like, that doesn't happen or would happen to us. Those things happen to other people. But. Anything can happen. Even bombs in cities like Spokane, and tragedies in our family. Maybe not now. But we are no exception. God has kept us safe 'till this day. May He keep us safe for many days ahead as well!
***
So I finally gave in and signed up for Netflix. The excuse being my younger brother. He can't go or do much. So we made an agreement. I get Netflix and he has to do his part of the agreement. (Read) I'll see how he can keep that one. And I gotta say, it's quite a distraction having an unlimited amount of movies at hand. But it's also pretty cool. When you can't read, or study, or do anything, zoning out in front of a good movie can be quite nice. It's embarrassing to admit but in the days I've been sick I've watched quite a few now...The thing is, anytime you get something new, it consumes you for a few days, and then it's just there...when you need it. A new phone (all those apps), new TV (i like mine), a new bicycle (my rear end likes that one)...On and on. It's not like I get a TV so that I can watch it 24/7, or a bicycle so that I won't use my car. And a phone with applications so that I use every single one of them. No. These are things I might not need and if I were on a tighter budget, I could totally do without, but it's really nice to have nonetheless!
That leads me to say. I've always and I mean from an early age, have wanted to have china. Meaning fine china as in tableware and dishes kind of china. That is precisely the kind of thing you don't need. But I want it. I, in fact, have already started in my foolish desire to own fine china. And over time, piece by piece, it will somehow be complete. If you think I'm crazy, fine. Growing up with nine people in the household at one point in time, I've succumbed to the fact that our family will never have table settings, or centerpieces, or matching dishes and cups. Our forks and spoons of all collections are all from garage sales and value village. (don't get me wrong here. There is nothing wrong with second hand places, in fact my next shopping adventure will be in second hand boutiques.) And my mom had always said, what's the point if they'll be chipped and broken. Which is true. We'd never have a whole set of anything. Spoons end up in the sink garbage disposal, 'new' mugs end up with chips, and all the knives have to be dull or else...So, weather I live by myself or married, in a tiny charming apartment or a house, I will have nice little dishes and a candelabra in the middle of the table.
***
In this world with so much technology and everything speeding up faster and faster, it's hard to be patient. (Technology is cool. But I'm happy to say, technology won't be cutting hair for a long time. I know, very off subject but...) I find myself so many times, wanting instant gratification. I start playing a song and can't sit long enough because I just want to play right through it. So I flip to the next one as if that one I can play. Does it work like that? No. I actually have to learn it which takes time. I find myself being distracted and having a hard time to focus on one thing. And so I jump from one thing to another to another. Those days are least productive. And so they feel like a waste. If it's not interesting enough I pounce on the next book, if it's not fast enough, I turn somewhere else...I find that to be a problem. And not that I'm not a patient person, (in the big, serious matters, I can be quite patient) but I joke that we all have a little bit of all those little 'disorders'. ADD, maybe throw in some Obsessive Compulsive...joking or not, I do need to work on sticking to certain things a little longer even if I don't get that instant perfect result or it takes a little longer. So my lack of concentration, added to my short attention span, added to procrastination can sometimes lead to unwanted results. I put it off long enough and oh, it will be disappointing.
***
I've decided I am a very unhealthy person. I am also a very bad communicator. Or listener. Depending on the situation. My brother also tells me my blog posting are way too long. (thus this one will be the longest of all) Let me tell you, I do it for myself. I don't care who reads my blog, and if they don't like it, nobody is forcing them to read it. That is why I like the fact nobody can comment on my blog, and I can't see who checks it out. Because I don't care and I don't write for 'someone'. I also don't take blurry photos and post 'em in photobucket for anybody in particular. (soon, people will hide from me so as to keep themselves off of my photobucket collection. also don't worry, if I write about You, you won't really know it. it's pretty much inderectly, and no names. hehe) If I were, if would all be for the wrong reasons, and then, I just wouldn't do it. Yeah, it's on the web and the web is widespread. But. It's still all for myself . Self absorbed? Eh. It's just hobbies, and once I'm bored or get interested in something else, I'll stop and do something else. Like work on my china collection. wink wink. We all have our phases.
Back to the subject of being unhealthy. Everyone tells me how tiny I am. Well, just because I have a small bone frame and a good working metabolism (still, thank goodness) doesn't mean I am healthy. I might still pull off 'looking' it, but it is certainly a lie. What do my arteries look like? Blood pressure? Longevity of my body? I don't remember a single time I stretched or exercised this last month. And what do I put in my body. Isn't it the phrase, "you are what you eat"? I must be a ...I'm not gonna even say it! Talk about new years resolutions. Everybody always says, I will work out, get into shape, eat healthier. Never my resolutions. But. I do want to be healthier. One of my favorite things I started doing a while back was not taking sugar in my coffee or tea. Try taking a caramel frappuccino after that! Tastes like drinking syrup. Ugh! Same thing with eating and exercising well. It will take time to adjust but, it will be gratifying and going back will taste like syrup. I mean, I won't like it compared to how I will like the new way. So, goals are good to have. And I will set up some goals for healthier livin'.
As for being a better communicator. I really need to not finish people's sentences and learn to not interrupt. That goes well with patience. I'm sorry to say, but I sometimes am a paragraph ahead, and slowness in the conversation is very hard for me. But I have to enjoy the moment, and be in the conversation. Just like when you're on a date, and everything around you disappears. Same with conversing with any other human being. I need to let everything around me disappear. What's the rush, anyway? Someone recently told me, "You're always 'going." And I thought, how true. Why do I always leave the conversation, why do I always end it? Why am I always 'going'?? I also need to not fill in the space by going back into talking about me if i don't know what to say. Why couldn't I just ask a question about them. No, it has to return to me. About me. And I know, that happens mostly if I'm nervous or self conscious at the moment, but it becomes a habit, or what "i know" and will be harder to change later.
***
I realize how much I can talk and say nothing. I mean, in the real world. As I talk to clients, coworkers, acquaintances, and even friends. Sometimes it's joke after joke and no actual conversation. And laughter's like medicine but overtime, if there's no depth, it gets old. Sometimes I ask a question and get fired a question right back without even a slight response to the actual question. And I think, I do that too. By escaping any real 'feelings', happenings', or 'bonding'. All superficial, on the surface small talk. I would say, I hate small talk, but obviously, small talk leads to the main stuff. I guess, I really don't like small talk if it's always small talk with the same person each time. And it doesn't lead anywhere. Then I get tired and just refuse to follow social etiquette and make people uncomfortable by being silent. Oh well. Anyway, Over the holiday break someone said, "To be a/have friends, means to open up your heart." That struck me. Not like it was a new teaching. Just to hear it being said. And the sad thing is, for some it is so natural, and yet for me, it had to be a learned thing. I totally agree with that statement, but my 'natural' is to be closed off. Self protection. Defensive. And because I don't believe that is the healthy way, I had to 'learn' to open up my heart. How hard it is. But the beauty of friendship/relationships is, to be vulnerable, to be able to express what I am truly feeling, and to open my heart. Yes, not to all, randomly. But even starting with just a few. And life is easier. I do like it. Of course, you can get burned, you can be hurt. But, we are all humans.
Sad thing, the ones you sometimes yearn to build a relationship with, will aways stay strictly business. It's like a permanent wall.
***
Medicine has kicked in. I will go practice piano so as to not embarrass myself tomorrow.
*Cheerio*
The City Harmonic sings Manifesto- I wish I could stand there and sing the song with them. Feel the Power.