Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Yesterday, I realized I didn't have any matching clean socks. I mean, I wear black knee highs a lot, but for a work out, I needed socks. So. At first I thought, who'd see my socks anyway today? And then I decided I'd actually wear them to my aerobics class! Why not?! They're the same brand, same size, same style. Just a little different in color. Can I say I really care how I look to others? Well, not always. I always ask myself when I'm going out. Is this OK if I get pulled over? (Which by the way, I have been stopped numerous times, but when I do get my first ticket, I will ask the officer if I can take a picture with him!) What about if I get stranded? What about if I get in an accident and the paramedics will have to cut my clothes off??! So. I like to be decent. Always. But color of socks and matching clothes and done up hair and full on makeup? Not always. Not anymore at least!
I love my aerobics class. Last evening it was really intense. Without the weights or the ball. Just my body. Yesterday, I went to the back. It's really cool to see the synchronization of all the bodies in the class (that is, when it actually happens). All going in the same direction, with the beat. One of those moments where everything goes into slow motion and you see it for a sec that way. It makes me think of singing. How so many people, all with a different voice, with a different part can come together with the music and sing at exactly the same time! Of course, I don't know the routines all too well just yet, so sometimes everyone is going right and I'm going left. Or everyone's legs are kicking up and mine? Still to the side. And the jump around. I just stood. I think I'm the one who laughs the most in the class! But it's great. Muscles feel tight. (All kinds of muscles!) Body feels energized. Can't wait for Thursday's class.
I'm not usually one to post links and such, on my blog or facebook. One of those things I'm not into, but today will be an exception.
I was doing something when I heard the chorus part of a song and was like, "hey, let me hear that!" It caught my attention. At first I was thinking how evil this dude looked. But I totally liked what he said...And I also read his blog, and he's not so bad, so I get it...
So for all who could relate, here is:

You have to laugh at it, 'cause it's soooo true. I mean isn't a book so much more important than anybody and anything at that moment? Yeah... I tried to get the free ringtone, but Verizon doesn't accept on my phone. tst tst. I'll be walking around singing now, "Don't you ever interrupt me while I'm reading a book...lala la lala..."
He also has a video called Expensive Haircut. Just thought I'd mention it.

Movie of the month:
Get Low.
Wouldn't you want a funeral party for yourself that you could attend? To hear what would be said about you. Hear your own eulogy. I've actually thought about that. What would people say? Who would attend? Silly things like that. Hehe...Anyway, it's humorous yet deeply sad.
It reminds me, and is actually very similar to one of my favorite movies called Ostrov. (The Island) It's a Russian movie I saw long, long time ago and have seen it many times more. You really have to be patient to watch it but it's worth it. (my taste in movies and music is very random, very bizarre, very all over the place, by the way.)

My feelings and emotions today have been all over the place! One of those days.
I'm also very in love with V8. With goldfish crackers. Too bad I'm out of both.
I have the vision. I have the desire.
But I have no clue how it will come about or how it will happen. That's OK though. God is working it all out. It's all in his hands. I only get to see a glimpse at a time, but it's enough to have that hope in Him.
After I got done doing a blog a day, the following day, I was already in such a habit that I was like, "I need to take a pic for the day!" Only to realize, I was done and it was over. And literally wanted to sit down and write that evening. So. Creating habits works. Conditioning works. And I think, how crazy that is because it works for the bad, and for the good. And sometimes, I need to break that which I have been conditioned into without even knowing it. I also think it's really important, that what is said over and over, what is repeated, what is done, should be something good. Something positive. Because, to break a bad habit or even if it's not bad but no longer needed, can be hard! (I'm thinking of some things that maybe how I write don't make sense. Too much to explain so I won't. Make up what you wish.)
And a couple people have said, "Why don't you keep going?" Writing a blog each day.
Well, I could. I have plenty to say. And I like writing. With out grammatical rules, every which way. But. It's that but...Hehehe.
I wouldn't wanna bore anyone. Plus, too much of something gets annoying sometimes. It would just be expected. No element of surprise. OK. I'm just rambling now...


Friday, March 11, 2011

It Hurts!

Sanctification, regeneration, purification...the synonym list can go on and on. Well, purification hurts! Sure, when it's something lighter, something easier, I say, "Oh my! I didn't even see that in myself before! I need to change it." And I work on it, myself, after it's been layed out before me. But something that's a little tougher? Maybe before if was easy but circumstances have changed and now, when before I would say, "Oh yeah, I will do that", for the same thing, now I say, "but why?" "Why should I be the one?" "But what about me?!" "Why do I have to be first to do it?" "What about that person and that person?" "What about them?" And I make up any excuse, and reason to justify my thinking and why I shouldn't have to do it. I prolong it, I procrastinate...But God keeps prodding. He gets more intense. In the back of my mind, I know what is right. I can't refuse. He says, 'Don't look on others. Don't worry about them. Look at yourself. Work on yourself. I will take care of them. I will work on them!' and 'Look at Jesus! Look what he went through and He knew the thoughts of the men before him." To stand in front of someone and know their thoughts of you and to be able to keep your calm, to use the right words, to forgive them for their thoughts, words and actions, to keep loving them. Only He could do that. I'd probably spew out some horrid thing before I could even stop myself, if I knew the thoughts of someone standing before me!! How horrible! I don't even know what men are thinking and think it's hard?!
So, in the midst of it all, deep in the process of purification, in the process of making me into a better person, into changing the way I react, the way I think and see, it is a struggle. It is painful and many times I want to be stubborn and make excuses. But I need to lay aside the pride and stubbornness and give way to Him. And after?! After I see the reason why, for what, and how. How amazing and beautiful. How much better I feel. And I just want to praise and give glory to God for the things He has done! I can only be grateful to him and thank him for His all knowing power. For His ways are not my ways! I'd still be that horrid, spewing person if it weren't for Him. (I mean, even if just in thought).
Thank You Jesus!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I'm Doing Exactly What I Heard In A Sermon Today

This is for you, my sister. I know. What a joke. And I'm sorry this one will be so 'empty'.

Basically, I have a vast amount of good things to say but all I want to say right now is: I'm frustrated at this moment. Why? A day can be so grand until you hear a few things you think maybe you wished you hadn't heard. There's a saying for that, which I don't know and won't look up. Sometimes it's better not knowing or something like that.

So, I'll get back and write what I've been meaning to, in a little. Until then, let's have lunch soon.

Maybe sleep will get this huge headache to go away.