Diary? Nothing that I wouldn't tell a client. Not everything that is written pertains to me or my life.
The things I see, hear...the people I talk to, all influence or impact my thoughts. Just saying!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Reason I Don't Get Laser Surgery

On the streets: "Would it be weird if I told you, you look like Jessica Biel?" 

Movie of the month: The Tourist. This one is beautiful. Colors. Scenes! Ah!
Or. The Conspiracy Theory. This one? I just like.
Oh, there's a scene where the character's eyelids get taped up! Well, that's a reason that I don't get laser surgery. Freaks me out thinking my eyeballs have to sit open like that while some freaky laser thingy goes right into my eye. (obviously, there's a more technical, clinical breakdown of it all, but mine will do)  I'll wear glasses.                                        
So. Where am I in my Russian book that I bought? I have been preoccupied, therefore, I have not read any of it. That is how slow I am in reading Russian. But I blame the fact that April was super busy. All the way up to Easter. Now I feel relieved and more free once again. So now, I should read at least a chapter. Per month. Just kidding. I'll see what rate it will take me. It's not a novel, therefore, I can already say it will be a hard read.
(Just being a nerd. Pretending.)
No, that is not my Russian book. That's another one of those things I've slightly put off to the side. But if  it's not a priority, it will get put to the side. Sometimes, that is, sometimes, I can do only one thing at a time. 
By the way, I am not traveling to France. 
I just want to say, I absolutely love these verses:
We are not trying to please men but God,  who tests our hearts...We are not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.
1st Thessalonians 2: 4b, 6
It takes all that fuss and cares of what anybody says or thinks right out of the picture. If I am doing everything and anything to please God, then the whole people pleasing idea goes right down the drain. Makes it so much simpler. I like it!
(I could elaborate on the people pleasing, because there's different kinds of 'people pleasing'...some other blog post. I could also elaborate on what people think and say, but that would be too long...)
On Thursday before Easter, I got to play a beautiful piece, alongside a cellist, for the choir. Cello is such a rich sounding instrument. And if fit the grave sadness of the song perfectly! Deep, sad chords paired with the rich cello. Went right to the heart.

Jesus, in Gethsemane, praying 'neath the olive trees,
falling there on bended knee, crying out in agony.
Our Lord, in deepest grief, filled with humility, 
poured out His soul into the night.
Father, take this cup from me. Take this cup from me.
There, in that quiet place, He felt death's cold embrace and lifted high the cup of grace.
Jesus, in Gethsemane, reaching for His destiny, lays aside His majesty, freely choosing Calvary.
There, inside the garden wall, as the night begins to fall, 
God's Son surrenders all for love.
Father, let Thy will be done. Let Thy will be done.
Jesus, in Gethsemane.

'Freely choosing' and 'felt death's cold embrace'.
I think of times I can't even give up some earthly comfort because I don't want to or need to. And here, Jesus freely chose to lay aside His majesty, to die for me and you!
I truly enjoyed that piece.
Christ Has Risen!!
You might say, Irina, Easter's over. Well, my friend, Easter is never over. Christ has risen and is alive.
And I can say that everyday!

There is no more saying, "it's OK" when it is not OK. 
There is no more pretense. 
Let other's words and actions speak for themselves. 
Let each one showcase themselves the way they want to be seen. And others to take it as they want. 
I don't need to put things in better light than they are. 
I don't need to makes things sound worse than they are either, of course. 
As my little grey book of 'cliches' states on it's back cover:
-It is what it is-

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Meet Mr. Elegance

White Half Moon Betta
This is
Mr. Elegance
Pink Diamond
I thought it was perfect when I saw a white fish with just a tiny glimpse of pink!
He is very pretty. Fits my theme.
So peaceful and graceful.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Chicks And Bunnies

I thought this was very suitable for today.
I mean, it is Easter after all.

But no way can I say that, that above^ is a chick.
Just look at the freaky eye!

Isn't that just the perfect vase for the pretty flowers?
My friend brought me flowers to work, unexpectedly, before I had even got there. It was such a nice surprise. I haven't gotten flowers from anybody in such a long time! So nice to get something when you aren't thinking of it at all. Sometimes that's all you need to brighten your day.
Looking at that photo with the label of a fish, I'm gonna say,
RIP Raindrop
(secretly, it's name was teardrop).
You lived a whole year.
I knew it was coming, but the morning I looked into my fishies tank and saw the unmistaken look of death, my heart sank. I was a fish killer. And as much as I didn't want to be the one, I had to flush it down the toilet!

Raindrop No2 is coming!!
Maybe Raindrop Jr.
Whatever. I might just call it something else.
As to the rest of the things I wished to write about. Maybe tomorrow?
(i had to get up around 5 this morning, so you can understand, it's been a long, but good, day)

From my grey little book of Cliches & Platitudes:
-Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today-
And that's me telling myself...only it seldom works...

Friday, April 15, 2011

One Year Ago

How I love Friday mornings. I can get up early. Or late. Read and pray. Linger while I drink coffee.
It just feels good to have some time before heading out to work.

Something else I cherish. A sincere heart. Sincere words.
Open, approachable, down to earth, and inviting people.

There are people that no matter what in life, they always seem to be in a positive mood.
That is very admirable.

I't been a year to the date since I've started this blog. And I remember exactly what I felt, when I did.
I like this. For so many reasons.
It's almost strange to reread some of my own posts! It's only been a year. Yet it feels so much longer.

I'm off to discover what this day has in store for me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I Cherish

Honesty. Unselfish motives. Pure heart.
No manipulation. No flattery.
Deception, in any form, disgusts me.
'Disgusts' is a strong word, I feel.

Too bad even I can't be all those at all times. 'Cause it's not like I've never lied. Or realized that the intent behind what I did was actually selfish. But, you know what I'm saying...
I wish I could say I am pure, and I love purity in others. But I am not. I am just regular. Like you. Things can be done unintentionally. And then. Things can be done, very so, intentionally.
I still do like purity.

I am blessed to have friends that can tell me to my face what needs to be said. That can tell me the truth without thinking, what will I think of them.

*The biggest mistake people make (i think) is underestimate other people. How much one is capable of. How much one truly knows. How much one ______ (fill in the blank.)
Oh, how I believe this one to be so true.

A few days ago, I realized I will soon turn 27!
It hit me. This isn't 16, 21, 25. This is 27. Regular old 27.
Pretty strange and pretty cool. I think it will certainly feel, and make me 'look' quite different.
One of my 'little sisters', a thirteen year old, asked me how old I am. And then asked me if I was married. Then there was a 'wow'.
I don't think that's what I meant. And I wasn't thinking about marriage when I thought about the fact that I will be turning 27. But they kind of go together, so I just put them in like that.
Why not?!

I thought, 'I shouldn't put this can of V8 next to my laptop'. Went to pick it up and it jumped at me. Was I worried that I was covered in orange spots, or that there was an orange puddle on the carpet? Nope. I just had to make sure any splash of juice didn't seep into my laptop. Thank goodness, nothing spilled on my keyboard. Ugh. It really jumped at me, I'm telling ya!


Today, I told myself I wouldn't talk about myself to any of my clients.
Sometimes, I just don't want to be asked any questions. I don't want to tell a lie, but I don't want to tell the truth either. So I'd rather not be asked.
But. I'm pretty sure I strayed a little from what I said I would not do.
If I used the phrase, "yeah, my ..." or "me too, blah blah blah about me" then that was talking about myself, willingly. Nobody pulled my tongue. If I was asked a question directly, then for sure I was talking about myself, in answering the question.
Anyway. I just thought I wanted to try that today.

Sometimes, I'll ask a simple question, and it leads to a quite the unraveling.
I think I understand how one trigger word can open up a flood of words and emotions in people. Another reason why I love my job.

Today, I actually called someone on the phone to talk! I never call just to talk!!!
That is big.
Like the character from the TV show Psych says, "I like to see, smell, taste..."
Well, I don't really want to taste you when I talk to you, but you get the gist of it. I like face to face interaction. Can't help it. I tend to be like a puppy following it's owner, if the person I talk to walks around or moves from place to place...
I wonder if others have these strange complexes. I mean I could list of quite a few funny things I do or the ways I do things. Pretty strange I'd say.
But really, there is so much more to a conversation, or any interaction, when you can see the whole being. Their eyes, their face, their whole image. The same words, 'sound' different. Don't you think?
But I understand. You can't always have everybody right next to you.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Field Flowers

I never thought I'd be one of those people I see at the coffee shops with their fancy laptops out, studying, browsing, doing work. But here I am in a cozy little corner of a coffee shop. Not in a busy one, otherwise, I'd be so distracted, I'd never do a thing...
I was going for a walk yesterday. The wind was pretty strong. I mean, I could hear it whistling. All of a sudden, it was as if I walked into a cloud of delicious perfume. It felt like I was lifted up and swirled with the wind. (you know how they portray cartoon characters following a scent? That's what I must have looked like, trying to pick it up and see where it was coming from.) I had to stop mid track, look around me, and find the source of the gentle yet strong enough fragrance. So gentle. Yet so distinct. One whiff is not enough.
I guess the reason for it's strength of scent was because it was a whole lawn filled with the flowers pictured above. That's one strong flower. I picked one just to make sure it was what was so fragrant! So, if I could make perfume out of this flower, I would. Or, if I found a perfume with that scent, I'd wear it. (and I only have one bottle and wear only one scent.)
It's intoxicating. I couldn't 'sniff' enough!
The sunshine and the little flowers blooming in random places means Spring is here. Feels so good.
Today, I had the privilege to play a duet with a person who once adjudicated me back in the day when I was younger. I mean, this guy instructed my choir director, way back. I would have never imagined that I would one day play with him. We practiced an Easter composition for the choir. Imagine, a choir singing to the accompaniment of a duet! Hehe. Probably never seen such a thing?! We met at my choir director's home. Oh, how I love her South Hill neighborhood. Just another chance to see into another piano teacher's 'home'.
Funny, I've been asked quite a few times lately if I teach piano...Hmmm

That is one thing I will always be grateful for. Music. And not just for the ability to hear music, but to play music. I mean, this morning I was upset and saddened. Then I had this practice, and it calmed me and gave me joy. Those times of trouble, sit down and play, and get peace.

There are only a few people in my life, that I could tell anything and know they would completely understand me. They wouldn't judge. They wouldn't teach. And if they did judge, I can't tell by their look on their faces. And if they didn't understand, I would never know. They just have a great ear to listen. I wish at this time I could speak to one of them, but they are out of reach.
It's only people like these that you can talk to and leave relieved, feel satisfied, and comforted.
Not everyone has that 'ear'. That talent to listen. And not just to listen, but to hear. And in having heard, having compassion. And if telling me something, saying something comforting.
I am pretty sure, my friend, if I were sitting across from you today, I'd be a muddled mess. My words would be confusing. I probably wouldn't makes sense. But we all have those days where there are not enough words to express what we feel. Don't you ever have that?
Not enough, to pinpoint, to explain. You can look in the eyes and see, but what is it you see?

I have to say, I am so happy my hair is now past my shoulders. I know. Way off of where I thought this would be heading...
But, I loved having short hair. That 'bob'. It was amazing! In fact I see pictures of me then, and miss it. You'd think, who cares. It's hair. Well, yeah...
But, the reason for loving long hair? Well...think of it this way. I wake up, rake my hair, put it in a pony tail, go work out, drop out of pony tail, and still get a compliment. But hear this, if I get a compliment on a day when I didn't even comb my hair, and the person knows I'm a hairdresser, I almost feel mocked. Not that they're doing that. I always say thank you. They don't need an explanation of how I did not 'do' my hair. I just find it very humorous. But that's the great thing of long hair. It just hangs. No work needed. So it's not about looks, or getting compliments. It's about the fact that I don't like to do my hair. Strange to hear from me? Eh...

I wish that who I am now, I was a few years back. I know, everybody says that sometime in their lifetime. I hear it from older people all the time. But, I am saying it now. And in saying that, I am also grateful, that I am who I am now. Weird. But in my head it all makes sense. I mean, I'm not the one in control of things and time, so it all plays out well anyway...


Sunday, April 10, 2011

On Rare Occasion

Have you ever found something you thought you'd never see again? Or forgot it had even existed at all?! It's always a shocker! Sometimes I take pictures of things, weather to share, or to compile in my collection, and forget that when I throw out an 'original', the photo of it is still somewhere. Surprised myself with a few things I found today. Made me smile. And no, I don't take a picture of every possible thing I get, own, or have had. I'm just saying...

Random Tid Bit:
I like fresh sheets, so today, after I took the case and the protector off of my pillow, there was a little pile of scattered feathers left. (it's a cheap pillow, of course) If you have a down pillow you might know what I'm talking about. It looked like I just plucked a chicken or a goose. Right on my bed. Not that I've ever even done such a thing. That's for those people who live on farms, or for those who lived in Russia in a village, or not even in a village, or for those who are very into organic, natural, fresh, very fresh, foods, or in the movies like The Illusionist where the character thought that the plucked feathers she saw outside her window, was snow...I don't think I ever want to pluck a chicken. Then again, I might be fascinated by the idea, maybe when I'm in my sixties or something. But. That's what I thought of, a plucked chicken, when I saw the feathers from my pillow.

Random Tid Bit Two:
I love to laugh. In fact, I love photos of laughter caught in the moment. Pure emotion. Laughter. It's just amazing...

There are certain people I know that I've never seen laugh.

Like that real, true laugh. Or the laugh that explodes 'cause you can't keep it in, can't hide or stifle. Or my favorite: when you laugh so hard you start to cry! The laugh that rings and resonates in your ears. The laugh that brightens the place up, and makes you feel good. A joyous laugh. Or even the kind that catches on and makes people, who have no idea why they're laughing, laugh.
Not that awkward social laugh. The laugh you make to fit in. Or the laugh you create to make that person feel OK, for the joke they just said that didn't make sense. Or the laugh you give to make the person feel good as part of a closing, to show, 'I've been listening, but my face doesn't show a reaction, so I'll force a laugh.' Not that 'pity' laugh. Nor an evil laugh, not at all! Or that nervous laugh. Oh, that awkward nervous laugh!

So when I did see those people laugh, it was the best little 'gift' ever. The whole face changes into something that I've never seen. An expression never seen before. Like something new discovered. Everything changes. The eyes, the lips, the whole face! I mean, there were teeth this time! (hehe) There's almost a sparkle. In my mind, I stop and say, 'wow, you just laughed!!' And I've never seen it before! It's only then, do I realize, I've never seen the person really laugh! And then I think, 'I get to see it. I get to see this person actually laugh!' That rare occasion. A little special moment in time...

Strange things I cherish. A good laugh.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Making Sense Of It All

Every night, I log in to write all the things I want to write, sit, think, and then log off. Maybe it's because it's too late at night, that by the time I decide to actually start typing, I tell myself, I'm too tired and by the time I will finish, it will not be worth the lack of sleep for the next day. I think that's just an excuse I tell myself. How many nights now? I have so much to say. So much I would write, only to write nothing at all. But for the time being, it will have to do.

It all makes sense. It is a wonderful thing to understand.

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me...
Psalm 138:8

A long one's coming, I'm telling ya...


I just want to add:
I miss my little nephews so bad. I want to see their precious smiles, hear the giggles, see the innocence. That children's innocence.
9:32 pm